Friendship vs Relationship

Yesterday, I met a old friend on MSN, we used to be classmates on higher math class, I still wonder the math finally he beat me up is because of our stereotyped math lecturer always has the general concept of man should do well on it, or whatever the reasons, I still cannot believe he is one point beyond me... that is so unbearable...

we are good friends, really good friends, he said i am such a big burden to him...that is true... really true... because I used to pop into his department no matter the day or night...no matter whether he is busy or not, not matter he is awake or still in sleep, i would wake him up using a vulnerable voice say... sorry... could i borrow this... could i borrow that? and then laugh loud at his pyjamas afterwards... he is always keeping his patient on me... I still enjoy annoying him the most of the time...I just felt like he is such a good friend...

He brought our topic to relationships, I told him to stay away from it, he said if I have been hurt before, I said NO, I don't know why i said that... but i did... He is really serious this time... talking about relatioships to me...

he is totally a layman... haven't been through any relationships with anyone so far, he is like a white paper, sometimes you want to tell him love can be really nice but if it goes wrong it's like drugs it makes you sick...very sick... I was trying to draw some colorful lines on that paper, but i have to give him the boundary.

Be honest! I don't want him to go into relationships, I think that is because I am selfish, i wanted to keep all my friends alone with me, it is not nice... I know i know... I asked him with half joking tone... Are you on date or something? I can give you some tips then...hehe...I clicked a big smile face on the chat window...

He said....no..no...no...
He started typing...

I felt there is something wrong...

I quickly typed: we are always good friends aren't we? still followed a big smiling face... (sounds nature)...

I can see from my chat window, he stopped... and then after a few seconds he began to type again, this time it was displayed on my screen..... ' yes' he said. I knew he had deleted soemthing, what he typed before? I never gotta to know, I don't want to know, I know I shouldn't hide it any longer... I know he has some feelings for me, but I am just afraid of being lost everything again if relationships didn't work out I would lost friendship as well, I don't want that happen again... I just want friendship...

I am just afraid............................


I just wish the next time I see him he will still tolerate me for being such a annoying person, I wish he will say to me another time, you are really my burden...
I want to be your burden always...always...

love you dearly