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I was trying in vain. I wrote him a letter, a damn long one. I was in the office when i received his reply. I was just stoned, at first i didn't hv the courage to open that mail, i sensed it wasn't gonna be something cheerful. I had prepared for the worst, I felt i couldn't feel any worse, i killed my fear and read it. Half way thru it there was already a string of tears sliding down my face, i cudn't cry any harder, so quietly, when the guy (Joseph) sitting next to me turning to talk to me, i think i scared the hella him, so I ran away. I went somewhere else where there was no one to judge me crying in the middle of the day like it's the end of the world. I cried for everything I could, for my toutured soul, broken heart...for a while, i've been like a dead woman trying to look ok, but i wasn't.