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I don't know why I didn't do this a long time ago. I came to the conclusion that I have just been wasting my life and time. I've thought of some things I am going to do to get myself back in the right track.

Now I am JUST living. I don't want to JUST live, I want to LIVE as myself.
Until I try to get things figured out, I'll be trying to keep my head up for another day.
My mind is tricking me so much, I don't really know what it is thinking, how it is working, or if it is working.
I hope your lives are going great.

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Changing oneself is a risky thing.

There's self-improvement, and then there's selling out. In my case, though, I know that I want to change. But getting to that knowledge required much thought, including writing the following.

It's hard to be strong all the time.
Try to walk away and I stumble.

I sleep badly, get hungry, can't eat, but keep moving. Standing still lets the doubt catch up. It's the doubt that kills, that brings the questions. Best to keep writing answers instead.

How can I be so miserable yet productive?
It's because you're strong, my friend says.
I am? I asked.
I see, maybe.

Change is superficially for the better. But how does one change without compromising oneself? If I want to be better, what parts do I keep? Remember, the world sees only the outside.

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Hmmm ... it's awfully quiet in here. I'm still on hiatus, but I couldn't stand to see the inactivity on the blog! It's killing me. Ha. I have been away from weblogging for such a long time now that it is kind of hard to figure out where to begin. I knew it was bad when folks were sending me emails and asking why I hadn't posted any new content recently.

Anyway, I am alive and kicking. There has been a bunch of things going on in my offline life and doing them properly was a higher level of importance. On top of that, I haven't had too much that's interesting going on lately, except for work, work, worrrrrrrrrk. My dreams needed tending, they needed nurturing to remain alive.

So, I'm going to take a break from blogging. Normal posting would resume once I get back from KL next weekend (And when my machine's all set to go. It needs to have some time off too).