Is it possible to change a person?
Or is it possible for a person to change coz of someone?

At first, I thought if someone loves you very much, s/he would accept who you are. There is no need for you to change or you do not need to change becoz of her/him.

Then, I thought if you really do love someone, you would not mind to change things for her/him. So there is a possibility of changing.

After a while, I thought the most important thing is not about if a person has changed or what. It is about whether the person you care is willing to change for you or not.

I never expected that someone would change for me or I would change for someone. However, as time goes by, without telling others to change, and you realized that the one next to you is different than the one you first knew, in a better way. This is one of the happiest feelings.

For the moment, watching in the mirror, a me?of course?I cannot live like this any more?you know for the last 2 years staying here in KL, I don’t feel I have been changing to any better but getting worse?I really have to do something now?for the wasted 2 years, I feel bit regret?but for this time, regret cannot bring anything back?just start now?you are very young it is never late?

Applauds for myself giving a announcement to upgrade myself now?YEAH!!!!!!! Upgrade myself...

How many people had blind dates? I guess not too many. At least most of my friends didn't.

I used to think I am still too young to have a blind date. But, obviously not for my parents.

They decide to introduce me their friend's son in Singapore.

Frankly, I am not interested in it. I wonder how can I love a guy whom I have never seen and how can we keep long-distance relationship. The situation is: I am in the Malaysia, he is in Singapore, and we never met before.

However, my mom said, "He is very smart, tall, never had a girlfriend (for my mom it means he is not a playboy, my innocent mom :), is going to US to get a PhD." Suddenly, I am curious that what my mom's friend would describe me to her son.

She might say, "Not pretty not ugly, MIT, not stupid, can speak English, Cantonese, Mandarin,Hakka, simple family." What else??

The more I think, the more sad I feel. Not only feel sorry for myself, but also for the guy. We are just like 2 pigs, waiting for being weighted. As long as we are almost equally weighted, the deal is done!

The situation is like this: The guy--PhD (+5), tall (+5). Me-- good girl (+5), MIT (+5). Both sides are over 70 out of 100, so they should see each other!

Yeah, people are getting more and more realistic in this modern society. If a guy and a girl have similar family background, knowledge (people call it "degree"), social status, age, then they are put together. Who cares who loves whom? What is love? Love lasts forever? You're too young to know life. Love is the most useless thing in life.

How sad!

However, I also envy those people because they can easily live happily. What I want is "spiritual communication", not just find one guy to spend life with. How greedy I am! Unfortunately, I don't think a guy in blind date would understand me.

Do I know what kind of book he likes to read? Does he know what kind of music I like to listening to? If I cannot appreciate his humor, he must feel bored. If he cannot appreciate my interest (writing), I must feel lonely. Many people may think I am so immature that I care about these trifles. However, it's very important for me.

I don't want to give up my "childishness" after married. I still want to laugh, sing, think, find out the beauty of world. If he doesn't have "spirit", I would be very painful. Frankly, if a girl looks for money or stable life from marriage, her dream usually may come true. However, if a girl searches for "untouchable" spirit communication, she may have to wait until die. The reason is very simple-- how many girls are loved because of their soul?

I am such a weird person that my only choice is the later. Therefore, I don't have any expectation to blind dates. What my parents want is to see I'll have a stable life. However, they didn't consider what I want.

No matter I like it or not, the truth is I also become one of those pigs waiting for being weighted.

No one would ask a pig, "Do you want to be put in the market?" The pig is poor. I know as long as a blind date starts, many other blind dates come. It wouldn't stop until the "equal-weight" deal is done or until the pig is too old for the market.

Anyway, I didn't say "no" to my parents. This is the 3rd time they have the enthusiasm to introduce a guy to me.

A guy has a blind date because he is too busy and has no chance to meet girls. A girl promises a blind date because her heart is broken and she is already tired.

Don't you think so?

I don't know what "loneliness" means until I come to the KL.

When I was in hometown, I enjoyed reading, writing, studying, and fortune-telling. Life seemed to be so happy and time passed soon. However, when I am alone here, things are different...

Last night I went to a Japanese restaurant to have late dinner at 9:30PM (I finished my work at 9PM). There were many young guys getting together in front of that restaurant. I know it's kinda dangerous to go out alone in the midnight, but what I can do? I was so hungry that I had to behave brave though I was afraid actually.

After entering the restaurant, the waiter asked me "how many people?" I said, "One." "Only one?" he seemed to be surprised by my answer. I was embarrassed, again.

Yeah, I have every dinner alone. Every time waiters would say "only one" with question marks. Hee, they don't know I not only eat alone but also travel alone because... I have no choice!

In fact, I don't like people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend. Most of new friends don't believe that I don't have a boyfriend... that really bothers me. I hate explaining my background again and again. Their curiosity lets me feel "guilty" for having no boyfriend.

I used to enjoying being alone, but not anymore. There are four poor reasons: First of all, in the KL, as a little girl alone here, I have to pretend strong and smart to deal with every event which I never face before. Second, get embarrassed when I go to restaurant or join a tour. Third, feel uncomfortable to answer new friends' questions. Fourth, have to make it clear that I'm not a picky girl but just have no chance.

It's weird... Why people think a young girl should have a boyfriend? Why I cannot have dinner alone? (hee hee, now I only choose those restaurants whose waiters don't ask me with "question mark" :)

It's more weird that I also start hating being alone...